Do You Get My Point?

Just five years ago, I saw Dr. Wayne Dyer on a TV show where he was delivering a message of love, spirituality, and other personal-growth nuggets. I watched for about 10 minutes before I decided that this guy was just too "wimpy" for me to pay attention to. Boy, have I done a one-eighty!

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What I didn't understand at the time was that my ego was so 'healthy' that I just wasn't prepared to accept a message about my higher, spiritual self being the real 'ME', the Universal ME, as it were.

In his book "The Power of Intention", Dr. Dyer devotes quite a bit of ink to talking about the Ego. I am not really referring to the Freudian definition of ego (at least not in the strict definition) but rather to an all-encompassing idea we develop about ourselves based on our experiences. Since our experiences are shaped by our family, friends, and external circumstances, the ego (to me) represents our interpretation of those experiences: our fears, doubts, worries, should-would-ought-to-be thoughts, and (of course) our best 'intentions.'

Dr Dyer's assertion is that our ego-mind is really so small compared to our true, spiritual mind, that we tend to live in a world of small-minded experiences. That would explain our fascination with "making a point."

We are so used to 'making a point', be it by words or actions, that we rarely stop to consider how all this point-making affects our lives. We cloak our points in logic, research, practice-runs for arguing with someone, passive-aggression, and a host of other devices. Our entrenchment in the "I'm right, and you....well..." zone is so deep that we limit our human experience to what our ego allows. Hey, I know this because I've lived it.

So, I learned (and I'm still learning) to recognize the pervasive nature of our ego. After all, it just isn't that easy to "kill" that which we know as "being our Self." Ego is a well trained martial artist. Just when you think you've knocked the wind out of "him," he kicks you in the head - and down you go. And as you lay on the canvass, dizzy from the kick, you find yourself in an argument, or in a state of feeling like you're under attack, or just plain disbelief!

So, thankfully, that "wimpy" message from Dr Dyer came back to kick me in the head. And after I got up, I learned that if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at... well, they change!

Do you get MY point?

True Decisions are Absolute When Making a New 'YOU'

This thing about making a decision is so absolute, and so important, that if you qualify it then you really have not made a decision. What do I mean? Well, let’s say you “have made a decision” to lose weight, so today you will pig out and get started on your weight loss regimen tomorrow. Are you being honest with yourself? Do you really mean it? I submit you are not. Yet we all have been through similar experiences; in fact we even joke about it - like when we “make” New Year’s resolutions.

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Why am I harping on this point so much? Because it’s the first step on the journey to a new YOU. No first step, no journey. And yes, I know you probably already know and understand this. Yet, our lives don’t necessarily change because we know what to do; they change because we do what we know. I know people who have spent years complaining about finding someone who can just listen to and understand them. They share their misery with just about anyone who pays them some attention. Do you know anyone like that?

What if, though, all that time and energy they spent complaining were instead spent following up on decisions they could have made to improve their lives? I’m not saying we should keep everything “bottled up”, but I am saying that we should at least, AT LEAST, be aware that the more we talk about our misery (even if it feels good to unload for a few minutes) the more misery we invite into our lives.

The fact is that millions of people around the world complain and gripe about their lives. The say they want something better. Some of them even manage to sound convincing when they tell their friends and loved ones that they’re going to do something to change their lives. Yet, relatively few of them actually follow through, that is, few of them actually make the decision to change. Please understand, making a decision is an absolute thing. There is no wavering, or being on the fence. Truly making a decision to change means just that: you absolutely intend to (and take action) to change. Are you a real decision-maker?

The Counter-intuitive nature of making up

Recently, I saw a report on TV about the impact the current economic crisis is having on marriages and families. The focus of the report was the attempts being made by men and women who had recently ended their relationships to get back together with their ex.

Hey, Ive been there. I've tried the "I will change" approach, with a dash of "you're the only one who makes me happy" routine. Of course I threw in the flowers, jewelry, 'going on a date' ingredients in the mix, and baked it all (on high) in the oven of "the logic of staying together."

It didn't work. And, frankly, I'm thankful for it!

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CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK!

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While it is possible that all the usual approaches I just mentioned may yield positive results, more than likely, they won't. At least not for the long term. This is not rocket science: if the usual "YOU" led to a breakup, an unknown, inexperienced and new "YOU" just won't know what to do.

Think about it. Most breakups are the result of a process or series of events rather than just a one-time thing. This begs the question: Would changing to what, how, and who your ex thinks you should be really bring happiness to you both? Doubtful. Yet, this seems to be the preferred method for trying to salvage the relationship.

Those of us who have managed to salvage broken relationships (and make it stick) know it takes quite a bit of work, letting go of your ego (or most of it) and willingness to accept some harsh realities, which is another way of saying: change the way you look at things, and the things you look at will change.

The fact remains that the real secret to salvaging a relationship is not much of a secret, but it is 'counter intuitive.' Even that last statement comes with the following qualifier: your current intuition about how things can get back to normal is not your real intuition, but your ego. I know this may be a hard pill to swallow, but it is one of those "harsh realities" I mentioned earlier.

By your ego I mean the "should be", "should have", "ought to" thoughts racing through your head in the midst of your sadness. Yet, deep inside you, there is a voice that can tell you how to find happiness. That is your REAL intuition.

When you add the stress of external circumstances to the mix (like an economic meltdown) it may just be time to seek external help. But even this (in my opinion) should be a counter-intuitive move. Many troubled couples will subject to "marriage or couple's counseling." Again, it is possible that, with time, this approach may yield positive results. But what if you want result now?

We do live in a society that encourages and rewards instant gratification. In my opinion, this is not an all-together bad thing. The problem arises when the searching for instant gratification gets your life out of balance. Yet, wanting to be happy right now is not a bad pursuit.

If you are willing to change your state of being to that of being happy, your path to salvaging your relationship gets a lot easier to walk. How do you change your state of being? Declare it. Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and enthusiatically anounce that you choose to be happy. Declare that you intend to be happy, now. Repeat it as often as you can. Then notice how you feel. Do it again, and again, and...well, you get the idea. Just keep it up.

Your ex does not want to be with an 'unhappy' YOU. Nor does he/she want to be unhappy! Here's some good news: have you heard the saying "misery loves company"? Well, happiness adores company.

Now, there are some things (actions) you will have to do to let your ex know about the new, happy YOU. This post is intended to get you going, not to hold your hand in a step by step process. So, may I suggest you visit the following web site, register, and get more info? Here it is:

http://www.letsgetbacktogether.com